ruting

it's my first time blogging after tabulas upgraded their system. it feels so weird la. coz suddenly everything looks so canggih-fied dy when, well, i'm still the IT-buta me. oh wells. at least when other ppl see me blogging next time, i'll look more pro. HAHA. nampak je pro..but konon laaa..

nwys, when i reached my office this morning, i promised myself to blog a whole long emo entry at the end of the day. BUT. problem solved. no need liao. lol. so true that ppl mostly blog when they're emo. basically, i sort of snapped at my dad yesterday. not exactly snapped la, didnt say anything rude or snide nor was i sarcastic to him. just raised the tone of my voice (note the self-justification going on.lol). well, to cut a long story short, i thought he sounded angry over something superly-overly small and i got all defensive. then he raised his voice back, then we hung up after very loud 'goodbyes'. i knew i was wrong la, i mean i knew that he was just worried after all. sigh. i don't know why i felt offended by him either. bleehhh. and when you know you're wrong, er..the next thing to do is to apologize la right? sigh...but saying sorry can be so hard. the more important the person is, the harder it is to open your mouth wan lo. so i thought about it the whole afternoon at work. and the more you think about it, the more you don't know how to do it. it's easier to just say sorry on the spot without thinking (more than) twice. should have just done it when i realised i was wrong la.  (but of course, my ego being so big you until cant tell where it starts or ends, me being me, i didnt lo..)

until at night, when i really couldnt tahan dy, i came up with a brilliant idea of saying sorry. which was of course, over an sms. *bangsheadonwall* what more can i say. the chicken inside got the best of me. who in the world (besides yours truly) would apologize to his/her dad over AN SMS??? k fine. nvm. send dy then only rationale kicked in. so what to do a???-wait for reply la! but then, the chicken in me still didnt want to give up coz wait for reply also scared wo..so what did i do? i left my hp and went for a shower. 

when i came out, there were 2 replies from Daddy.

his first : no problem

the second: actually i was more concerned..

when i was reading the 2nd, i received a 3rd one from him. then the 4th and 5th AND 6th followed.

wahhhh..sakit hati mann..i'm not going to say what the text content said here.lol. but bottom line is he ended with an sms asking me to bear with him while he gets used to me being all grown up and a big girl now. coz bugging me is not something he could let go off just yet. blablablablabla. u know la, the words parents use sometimes. can make you think that dying a painful death would still be better than hearing them say all those things. i cried like crazy last night. it's been a while since i did something like that to my dad. or mum.

then i replied like gila banyak la..coz i lagi dont dare call him dy by then. lol. then he didnt reply at all. lagi la cry. cis.

then this morning ma emo gila lo. i emailed him to wish him good morning (still didnt dare call.haha!) then he got reply la..but like so formal..so sakit weihhh..i thought gone dy la..now our relationship apa jadi..emails and all pulak..sigh..he didnt merajuk..if merajuk i can still take..but this is..he was acting all hurt..

but then he called me after lunch and he sounded so normal.ISH.hahahhah.then got talk and all la.like NORMAL.

haha.so now i'm no longer emo.

lol.

grown ups, affairs, the "real" world, blehhhh..

lies, backstabbing, "shoe-polishing", and more lies.

people are not who they seem to be: one minute all nice to you, making you feel as if you're appreciated and that they really care, and then the next, they do something which contradicts them.

which sucks, coz even if they're still nice to you, you'll question their every move, their motives and well basically eveyrthing they say or do.

the mention of having values and integrity suddenly sounds so foreign here..something laughed at, something to earn yourself stares of disbelieve (or amusement or both) and a huge invisible label stamped across your forehead in caps: 'NAIVE'.

welcome to the real world?

office politics, happens everywhere.

just don't let me be dragged into it.

ruting

so close yet so far.

it could have been.

we could have made it.

but it all slipped away.

i thought we were dong fine.

i was even willing you to take it a little faster.

we were heading the right way.

until that sms.

the one that crushed my dreams.

now i'm left alone.

i'm cold.

and even if you did turn back,

you still can't change reality.

not even you could turn back time.

still.

we came so close.

so so close..

,,,????

ME.........AND THE HANDS OF THE CLOCK.

lol.

i was THIS close to going back at 6sharp k.

i was seriously staring at the clock dy k, reali willing it to just move faster and hit 6pm so i can go home.

then came samuel's sms saying he'll be late but will try to make it out by 6.30pm. all my hopes shattered. AaaaAAhhhhHHhhh~!!!! *sobs*

so close.hmph.

yesh. i was only talking about the clock.

haha.sorry la.i very the senang now.i was soooo looking forward to 6pm.i was so ready to go home liao, i mean, c'mon...IT'S FRIDAY!!!! siggghhhh..i was so prepared, and nearly all packed up dy. 

but i'm not reali all alone la..jenny is still here, but we're the only ones left and the aircond is so freaaaaaking cold k.u cant turn it down wan.it;s either on or off nia wan.cis.

this closeeeeeeee.siggghhh

now have to restart the whole proces to 6.30pm.

lol!

have a good weekend you ppls~!

ruting

sayangs..

It's been the longest winter without you
I didn't know where to turn to
See somehow I can't forget you
After all that we've been through

Going coming thought I heard a knock
Who's there no one
Thinking that I deserve it
Now I realise that I really didn't know
If you didn't notice you mean everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I'm gon' be ok

Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

I couldn't turn on the TV
Without something there to remind me
Was it all that easy
To just put aside your feelings

If I'm dreaming don't wanna laugh
Hurt my feelings but that's the path
I believe in
And I know that time will heal it
If you didn't notice boy you meant everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I'm gon' be ok 

Since there's no more you and me
It's time I let you go
So I can be free
And live my life how it should be
No matter how hard it is I'll be fine without you
Yes I will

Better In Time.Leona Lewis

*melovesyouall*

ruting

i somehow managed to finish everything by 5pm. now waiting for samuel to miscal me. owh. i dont think i mentioned it before but i'm carpooling now.

checked mail, went blog hopping, replied mails, more blogs. 

something cut and pasted.

something somebody wrote about herself and relationships: